loving the big easy

from the moment i walked through your streets i fell in love with you

you overloaded my senses

the beauty that you hold is beyond reproach

your culture fascinating

you captivated me

put me under a spell

every day i was with you was a treasure

i took it all in like it was my last day on earth

the scenery

the music flowing through your streets

every local i spoke with more fascinating than the next

you left a mark on me

i long to be with you again

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the beast within

This was written circa 2009, during my relationship from hell.

you broke me today

a beast released from deep inside of me

you made me this way

the only one that can bring this out of me

this ugliness

i saw black

i was scared

i did not know what i was doing

screaming, crying

the rage coming out of me

my parents had to see me like this

because of you

your selfishness

your disgusting nature

you always cared about yourself

you never saw what you were doing to me

calling me crazy, unfit, stupid

when my eyes opened the room was in disarray

broken glass, trash

like a cyclone came through

i hated you for this

all of it

what did i do to deserve you breaking me

differences

differences are always in the air

building walls between the two of them

who is right and who is wrong?

this will never be revealed

always a competition built in one of their minds

thoughts that will never end

the incompetent

i sit every day listening to the sounds of stupidity

it comes from all around me

i wonder

how did some of you get this far in life

the same questions day in and day out

things that have been explained numerous times

too deep for your pathetic excuse of a brain

you sit like a vegetable hating child pushing peas on a plate

pilfering time

you’re useless and contribute nothing to the team or society as a whole

Toilet Phones

There is nothing I fucking hate more than people that talk on their cell phones in a public restroom. It is not only disgusting and unsanitary, but it is fucking rude. I don’t give a flying fuck about Yolanda’s man or Shaquita’s baby daddy while I am squatting taking a piss in a public bathroom. So here’s what I do…..
Flush the toilet as many times as I can as I moan like I have explosive diarrhea
Make loud fart noises, like the most obnoxious fart noises I can
Cough real loud
Belch like a trucker
Make puking noises
Usually I get no reaction, but the times I do get a reaction I love every last second of it.

Patty

It has been a little over three years and I still cry over you. You were my best friend, my rock when I needed comforting. You got me through so many bad times since you were a kitten; the only thing keeping my sanity through the worst times in my life. We had an unconditional love that cannot be explained. You knew when I was happy, when I was sad. You laid many of nights with me as I drenched your fur with my tears asking when will all this come to an end, and how did I get here in the first place.
When I was told that you were sick I did not know what to do, I felt empty inside. All I knew is that I would do anything to help you and give you a good life. The ways in which I would have to do that were cruel and undeserving for you. It would have been selfish for me to have you go on just for the sake of my happiness and sanity.
I will always remember our last day together. We were laying in bed, I was on my side and you were nuzzled up in my chest with your head facing the bedroom window. The room was dark and mellow. I played a loop of birds chirping for you and knew that would make your last moments somewhat comfortable.
Taking you there to say our final goodbyes was a feeling that I cannot describe to this day. I held you as everything was explained to us. I was reassured that you would not be in pain and would go to sleep peacefully.
Hours after that I sat with you wrapped in a blanket as I cried over you thanking you for everything you have done for me.
I will always love you Patty and cherish your memory until the end of time.

Day Drunk in Nola

I recently visited New Orleans and instantaneously fell in love with the Big Easy. During my stay there I wandered aimlessly around the French quarter from early AM until sundown. In which time I would go back to our hotel to meet Mike after his long work day. Anywho I learned an awful lesson one Friday afternoon. Nola weather in June has a lethal amount of humidity that literally chokes you and mixing that with double Mango Rum Punches is no bueno. I thought I’m on vacation so having several and by several I mean five of these bad boys within a four hour time span was a grand idea. My memory is quite bleak from that afternoon. I remember texting pics to Mike boasting of my day drinking debauchery. I also remember not drinking one iota of water that day, because why? I was on vacation dammit and quenching your thirst in the life draining humidity of Nola in the middle of June with Mango Rum Punches was clearly acceptable, or so I thought.

As the afternoon progressed I felt myself getting giddier so I thought what the hell let me go dry and sop up some of this booze with greasy food. I found this cool little 50’s style diner called Belle’s. It was so cute that I couldn’t contain myself.

I wanted to sit at the counter and have lunch. Of course there were a few other patrons sitting there that my day drunk self decided to befriend. I am a vivacious loud individual by nature so perhaps they did not catch on to my being a tab bit inebriated. Of course I look at their drink menu and behold the Belle’s Southern Punch. How could I possibly resist? Light Rum, Spiced Rum, Dark Rum, OJ, Pineapple, Cranberry and Grenadine. Captain Jack Sparrow would have been proud of this little rummie. It was so delightful I downed two before my food even hit the counter. Perhaps it was a bit dumb (for lack of a better term) to have the meal placed before me. The War Bird, Fried Chicken Breast, Provolone Cheese, Bacon and Honey Mustard on a Brioche Bun and of course a side of fries. It was so mother effing delicious. Rum, lots of it, bacon, greasy fried chicken what could possibly be bad about this combination? (We’ll get to that in a bit.) I think I even had dessert I honestly can’t remember. I remember having conversations with the other counter folks, I couldn’t tell you about what though. I do remember seeing someone with three pugs and going bonkers over their cuteness. I do however remember when all of the rum punch hit me.

As I was eating my sandwich I started feeling a slight pain on the top of my head. At the time I just figured it was from the heat and not eating anything. But as I was walking up Decatur Street from the French Market the pain got worse. At one point I started to feel that sensation that everyone dreads from having a little too much of grandpa’s old cough syrup. Immediately I called an uber to head back to the hotel as I knew if I walked the rest of the way there would be horrific consequence to pay. I texted Mike on my way back letting him know what was going on. I felt awful that he would be coming back to a dramatic drunk girlfriend after a long day at work. Thankfully he is the most loving and understanding guy a girl could ever ask for. He could wait to get to me to “rub my little head”.

Once back at the hotel I literally stumbled back to the hotel room. Immediately I jumped in the shower sat down and let the hot water hit the top of my head. This helped about as much as Helen Keller could help me pick out an outfit to wear to dinner. The inevitable began to happen…..the horrible wretched sounds started coming from me and up came all of it. It was awful like drunk frat boy awful. I felt like death so I finished showering and went to lay in bed. I fell asleep I think but became restless and get sick again. Over an hour, I sat at the bottom of the tub in the dark trying to get rid of this awful feeling. It was futile at this point. I finally fell asleep and woke up to Mike rubbing my head and started to get that awful feeling again. Poor Mike was hungry and he had to leave the hotel room, because the smell of anything at this point would give me the heaves.

The moral of the story – if you’re going to day drink while walking around New Orleans in mid-June humidity, DON’T!

Free Comic Book Day, Saturday, May 6, 2017

Today marked one of the upmost important adventures of our relationship; Free Comic Book Day! The ultimate nerdgasm for all of us dorks in the world, and we got to share this together. So we drove over to the Lindenwold Station to hop on PATCO into the City of Brotherly Love to comic shop hop on one of the most popular geek days of the year!

We managed to hit up four shops in Philly and then two in South Jersey. This adventure will account each store and our experiences at each of them. Enjoy!

Stop #1 Amalgam Comics & Coffeehouse: Located at 2578 Frankford Avenue, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, in the Kensington Section of Philadelphia.

Amalgam Comics & Coffeehouse is an amazing gem in this up and coming section of the city.  They specialize in comics, toys & figurines, games, comic related magazines, apparel, coffee & espresso related beverages, and baked goods.

Amalgam is one of the only places Mike and I ventured to that actually did Free Comic Book Day to cater to the fandom. They had all of the free comics being offered with minimal limitations on what you are able to take. Also in the back of the store they had a few vendor tables of locals selling their crafts and art, all geek related of course!

I even had an amazing dialogue with one of the staffers about The Vampire Diaries, The Originals AND Riverdale.

After perusing around Amalgam, Mike sent for our Uber to get us to the next stop. Our driver was the coolest dude ever. His name was Shaun Paul. He pulled up in his Kia Soul with the speakers pumping out funk and jazz. He was an interesting character with an upbeat and friendly personality. Usually our asses cringe when we have a chatty driver, but this guy was awesome; wearing a worn leather jacket and a Jeff cap over his shoulder length shaggy hair.

Shaun Paul dropped us off at the next stop, and we were on our merry way.

Stop #2 Ontario Street Comics: Located at 2235 East Ontario Street in the Port Richmond Section of Philadelphia.

Ontario was always one of my favorite places to go when I resided in Northeast Philadelphia. This shop has an old school flea market type appeal about it, and has more than comic books. If you are looking for any type of old toy or WWF, yes WWF action figure than Ontario is the place to go. The staff is always friendly and chatty as well. They are not your typical geek douchers that act like they know it all.

For Free Comic Book Day they had Batman and Harley Quinn there mingling with the customers. They also offered all of the free comics with a reasonable limitation of 6 per customer, not too shabby. While there I also nabbed The Walking Dead trade paperbacks I needed.

As we were walking out Mike noticed a little nook of the store that had DVDs; you know he and I weren’t leaving there until he was sure there was nothing there that he needed.

After his fix he summoned our Uber so we can head to Old City to check out Brave New Worlds Comic Shop.

Fun Fact: Scenes from the movie Unbreakable by director M. Night Shyamalan were filmed here!

Stop #3 Brave New Worlds: Located at 55 N 2nd Street, in the Old City Section of Philadelphia

I was never really a fan of this particular comic shop, as I always found 90% of the staff to be condescending douche canoes! I guess they feel because of their location it gives them a right to be assholes to customers. While it’s a cool place to kill time, I would rather throw my money down a sewer drain than give them profits. The only thing that excited me was that they had The Walking Dead Free Comic, but even that came with a price. They were kind enough to stamp the front of every free comic to read, “Courtesy of Brave New…..” In the words of Deadpool, “What the shit?!?” Oh, and they had a 3 free comic limit per customer. Mike and I got there after three in the afternoon, and they still had piles and piles readily available, so you can’t have more than three….why? They had some ugly female chud standing there guarding the free comics like it was the fucking Arc of the Covenant! Please no one wants the shitty free comics that were defiled with your store information on the front of it. I had no choice but to get my copy of TWD from there as no other shop had it!

Stop #4 South Philly Comics: Located at 1840 E Passyunk Avenue, in South Philadelphia

I was excited to stop here, as I have not visited this store in quite some time. It is a hole-in-the-wall shop located in the East Passyunk Section of South Philly. It is co-owned by two guys that have an amazing knowledge of comics (and they are cool, not douche canoes like the guys and gals at Brave New Worlds).

After South Philly Comics we wandered around for a bit, and headed back to the PATCO station to go back over the bridge into Jersey. There were going to try and hit at least three more shops before the night ended.

Stop #5 Adventure Land Store: Located at 2120 Voorhees Town Center, Voorhees Township, NJ

This shop is located in the old Echelon Mall, and was formerly called Hall of Heroes.  It was a total bust, as they were out of all the free comics. It is a cool shop to poke around in, as they have all types of collectibles and geek-related threads and accessories.

The one great thing about stopping here is The Great American Cookie Company. Mike is a whore for their sugar cookies. So what’s a girl to do for the greatest boyfriend ever? Buy him a ton of sugar cookies.

On to the last and final stop, as we were now approaching 8:15pm, and shops typically close around 9:00pm.

Stop #6 A Time Lost … And Found: Located at 325 E. Atlantic Avenue, in Audubon, NJ

I’ve never been to this shop, and I will never go back again. Not only did this shop not participate in Free Comic Book Day, but the guy that runs the place is an ass. He talks down to you like he is the God of all comic shops. Bitch please, take you old dirty sock smelling, not impressive at all, cash only shop and shove it up your candy ass!

I can’t imagine that this guy gets a lot of foot traffic from people. How in the hell can you sell collectible items that are $100+ and take cash only? How can you expect to be an old ass condescending doucher that probably hasn’t seen a vagina other than smut magazines and internet porn to have any loyal customers with his attitude? Oh wait his one and only friend helps run the shop with him. It’s an adorable cock-a-poo, or whatever the hell weird breed mix it was, needless to say the dog had way more personality and was much friendlier than the owner.

Mike did find a cool comic about the Japanese Suicide Forrest and I snagged a copy of TWD 150 original cover, but I digress.

 

We ended the night with stopping at Star View Diner on the White Horse Pike in Somerdale, NJ, for a bite to eat. Our server was about as intelligent as a used condom. I asked for equal. She had no clue what I was talking about. I said the stuff in the blue packets, and at that moment the hamster started running on his wheel again. The food was ok

All in all it was a pretty amazing day wandering around with Mike on Free Comic Book Day!

 

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