Magic Mushrooms and a Ditch circa ’96

It was the summer of 1996, and I was dating AP at the time. He and I always had good times together; we got high, drank, hung out, had incredible sex……

We were getting ready to go see whatever Jackie Chan movie was out at the time, and he had this grand idea to try shrooms. He classed it up by stopping at Taco Bell to get soft tacos to sprinkle the shrooms in.

At first I didn’t feel anything. He stopped at the bank to tap MAC, and I waited in the car. I was bored and wanted to hear music so I turned the key to kick the battery, and somehow the car jumped the curb and went into a drainage ditch in front of the bank. I have no fucking idea how that happened. I shit you not this really happened.

Then the shrooms fucking hit me and the chain of events to follow was some of the most fucked up shit I have ever experienced in my entire life.

All I remember is getting out of the car and falling in the grass. As I climbed up the hill I see AP freaking out. We had to get a tow truck to get the car out of the ditch. At this point I started to freak and he walked me over to the Superfresh in the shopping center where his friend S worked. Poor S had to babysit me while all of this shit went down. Tow truck came, cops came it was a real cluster fuck. I felt so bad, but couldn’t stop laughing my ass off.

Surprisingly AP wasn’t pissed at all over the situation. We went back to his mom’s house who thankfully was away for the weekend. I was out of my mind at this point. So we decided to smoke some weed figuring that it would soften the blow of the trip. WRONG! I almost got eaten by a lawn chair, chased by a tree, climbed a never ending set of steps, and thought I was having sex with AP until I realized I was humping his pillow. We wound up having trippy insane sex and passed out. We woke up 14 hours later smoked a J and finally went to see Jackie Chan.

Moral of the story kids …. don’t do shrooms. Well do them, but don’t fuck around and turn the keys in a car, as you can see what that resulted in for me.

As for the angry lawn chair and I, we made up and became good friends despite the whole ordeal.

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Ode to the Pickle

Oh mighty pickle how delicious is thee

Your smell, your taste is quite the bee’s knees

The delight I feel when I put you in my mouth, when I bite down it gives me a rush

Pickle oh pickle how delicious you be when I hear that crunch when I lower my teeth

As I chew you up all in my mouth your delicious dill taste bursts throughout

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