only reality knows me

it has consumed me
made me ugly inside
obsessed to the point where everyday life is affected
i see and react without thinking
to know that you have judged based solely on situations
it’s bittersweet
days i care, days i don’t care
i’m jealous of the attention it gets
makes one feel nothing else exists
forever bothered maybe my feelings don’t matter
all alone, no one sees it from my side
trying to shove all of the feelings deep down inside
it has affected my enjoyment of things
rendering me bitter, sad, confused
why is it me that is hidden
i tried to let it all go, but i fear the unknown
never told things or don’t know things
this i am not used to
i’m not used to not being shown in that way
in an instant and with the new it was taken away from me
the reality can only know me
knowing only it can be seen, that bothers me
but again no one understands me
one wonders why it bothers me
the reassurance goes but so far
i can’t take these feelings anymore
and i don’t know how to deal with them


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