blinded by lonely

judgement has been clouded by many that have crossed your path through the years

hurt, saddened, bitter, alone

you muster through each day wishing that someone, anyone will be with you, love you, appreciate you

my heart breaks for you




the plane of existence or lack thereof

you think i’m fucking joking, i most certainly am not

it’s a universe that only certain people are privileged enough to be apart of

if you’re not special enough you’re not “in”

you just have to learn to accept it and move on

there is no remedy for this

forever to feel left out

why now? why not then?

the socialite that lilt up the room has lost its flame

forever will compare to something that may or may not exist

it is probably all bullshit anyway

maybe it is not really being thrown in one’s face

confusion, despair for acceptance or to want to be included with the “in”

you want them all to see you there, but they never will

none of it makes sense really, it just creates more ugliness that makes your mind wander into the void




information or lack thereof

you would think one would no more about someone after several years than several months

this weighs on my mind like the plague

realizing that you really don’t know anything more about someone than what is in front of you

others certainly know more, making you feel like there are secrets or that you are not worthy of having things shared with you

this makes you feel uninvited into the deepness of their mind, their soul

there will always be that competitor that wants more more more

i know of no facts about the past, just feeble comments or just hearing words from someone that make no sense

and the wondering of why i have resentment towards certain people

i started to feel that i could let go of the negativity, but no the process is starting over again

whatever i guess it doesn’t really matter now does it


defending the kid

Circa 1993, High School Cafeteria

There was a boy (I will call him “The Kid”) in our class that had disease that left him frail and bound to an electric wheelchair that had to be controlled by mouth. The Kid was a super nice guy, and I always enjoyed having a conversation with him. He was a super geek into Star Wars, music, video games, baseball cards…

I would always think to myself what it must feel like to know you are going die, especially at our age. I admired The Kid for his courage and strength that tried his best to live a normal teenage life despite him knowing the inevitable.

One day during lunch period some of the what were deemed as the “cool guys”, translation the guys that are huge fucking assholes that think their shit doesn’t stink; were being all buddy buddy with The Kid. Meaning they were acting friendly and mocking him right in front of his face. Being naive he had no idea what was going on.

I became infuriated and approached the group of assholes surrounding The Kid. There was an exchange of words between myself and one of the assholes. All I can remember was picking up my lunch tray leaving whatever was on top of it flying in several different directions and whaling the living shit out of him with my lunch tray.

The lunch aide blew her whistle and brought things to a halt. Of course I was named the bad guy in this situation for defending the person that is wheelchair bound with a disease that is rapidly wasting his life away. I became irate and defensive stating that it is offensive and unjust that it is acceptable for these assholes to pick on The Kid, because they are apart of the so-called popular click. I was popular being friends with everyone from the jocks to the band geeks to the socially awkward mole people.

In not so many words I told the lunch aide to go fuck herself, and I was not going to be the only one being sent to the principal’s office.

Of course my parents were called, and my dad defended me stating that I was protecting a defenseless person. Be it as it may I was sentenced to spend the next several days of my lunch period in the rubber room (internal suspension), along with the one asshole.

There were several people that commended me and deemed me The Kid’s hero and bodyguard from that day forward. No one dare fucked with him after that.




feeding your baby is normal ……


this does not look like your “typical” mother breastfeeding

she has a facial expression like she is receiving unbridled pleasure

i am disgusted and appalled by this billboard

i do not wish to stare at your floppy pancake titty as you breastfeed your child, let alone see it big as day on a billboard

feed your child in private, or at the very least cover that mess up

some of us that do not wish to experience the so-called miracle of child birth and the privilege of motherhood should not have to be victimized by this

no this is not a rant against children, no this is not a race thing, it is strictly my opinion that breast feeding should be discreet and should not be some pathetic cheap attempt to mock women’s rights

would it be acceptable for a couple that has a breast feeding fetish to whip it out in public and let their partner suck away? it is technically breast feeding is it not? it is just viewed in a different nature

today’s society is pathetic in what is deemed and not deemed acceptable

repugnant rosie aka cunt face magee

pathetic, sad sack of crap

can barely function like a typical human being

blocked, unblocked

make up your fucking mind you appalling wretch that is a poor excuse for a human

instead of being friends, you chose to be foes

you defiled my trust, my friendship

and for what?

you burrow with the mole people every time you come into town mooching off of a person that is too good to be your friend

you deserve nothing from no one

the day i finally run into your vile presence will be the day you wish you were never introduced to me

my words will cut through you like knife, reducing you to curl up into the fetal position wishing you were never born

you’re life is sadder than the starving ethiopian kids in that sally struther’s commercial




backwards smile

i cried inside

when sitting next to you and noticed that smile

it wasn’t directed towards me but to the words illuminating on that magical screen

what a dumb question to ask what one is smiling at

this emotion i have inside is hard to describe

once told then confronted about it and it was denied

my feelings can’t be helped

it is all so perplexing and bothers me so much

i have no desire of acceptance only tolerance

what other choices do i have

not blind

i’m not blind
it’s there in plain sight
when i turn my head your gut reaction disturbs me
why do you hide it from me
it’s a vice, i get it
something that will always bother me
i tried many of times
perhaps refusal to admit something like this can affect someone in this way
i guess i have to remember it’s not all about me

only reality knows me

it has consumed me
made me ugly inside
obsessed to the point where everyday life is affected
i see and react without thinking
to know that you have judged based solely on situations
it’s bittersweet
days i care, days i don’t care
i’m jealous of the attention it gets
makes one feel nothing else exists
forever bothered maybe my feelings don’t matter
all alone, no one sees it from my side
trying to shove all of the feelings deep down inside
it has affected my enjoyment of things
rendering me bitter, sad, confused
why is it me that is hidden
i tried to let it all go, but i fear the unknown
never told things or don’t know things
this i am not used to
i’m not used to not being shown in that way
in an instant and with the new it was taken away from me
the reality can only know me
knowing only it can be seen, that bothers me
but again no one understands me
one wonders why it bothers me
the reassurance goes but so far
i can’t take these feelings anymore
and i don’t know how to deal with them

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