backwards smile

i cried inside

when sitting next to you and noticed that smile

it wasn’t directed towards me but to the words illuminating on that magical screen

what a dumb question to ask what one is smiling at

this emotion i have inside is hard to describe

once told then confronted about it and it was denied

my feelings can’t be helped

it is all so perplexing and bothers me so much

i have no desire of acceptance only tolerance

what other choices do i have

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not blind

i’m not blind
it’s there in plain sight
when i turn my head your gut reaction disturbs me
why do you hide it from me
it’s a vice, i get it
something that will always bother me
i tried many of times
perhaps refusal to admit something like this can affect someone in this way
i guess i have to remember it’s not all about me

only reality knows me

it has consumed me
made me ugly inside
obsessed to the point where everyday life is affected
i see and react without thinking
to know that you have judged based solely on situations
it’s bittersweet
days i care, days i don’t care
i’m jealous of the attention it gets
makes one feel nothing else exists
forever bothered maybe my feelings don’t matter
all alone, no one sees it from my side
trying to shove all of the feelings deep down inside
it has affected my enjoyment of things
rendering me bitter, sad, confused
why is it me that is hidden
i tried to let it all go, but i fear the unknown
never told things or don’t know things
this i am not used to
i’m not used to not being shown in that way
in an instant and with the new it was taken away from me
the reality can only know me
knowing only it can be seen, that bothers me
but again no one understands me
one wonders why it bothers me
the reassurance goes but so far
i can’t take these feelings anymore
and i don’t know how to deal with them

don’t ask tell

demands from one is so rude
telling you what you are going to do
subliminal suggestion if you will
no consideration of asking
it’s like certain people do not matter
if you’re an elite than you’re ok
that certainly doesn’t make it right
it makes one disgusted, appalled, bitter
emotions that create darkness

repugnant rosie: friend or no

is repugnant rosie a friend
rhetorical sass of course
blind to what the definition of one is
supposed to be there through thick and thin
instead rosie lurks like a leech
a twat waffle that sucks up all the syrup
never satisfied and always wants more
waiting for friendship to work all in her favor
sucking more of one’s life out with each interaction
no appreciation
no respect
just a sense of entitlement from the time that has be invested
using childlike ailments is rosie’s excuse for not functioning like one should

repugnant rosie: i thought i felt bad for you

i felt such great empathy for you at first
tall, awkward, frizzy hair
no style, personality or flair
no where to really fit in
attempted to befriend you, help you with the issues at hand
everything hunky dory at first
then i saw what you were doing
the need to sink your claws into someone
and for what a pathetic crush you had 10 years ago
who would have thought
pathetic freak-a-zoid you
pointed out who i was to a stranger like a mission to sabotage
opened up a can of worms that can never be closed
you will die alone in misery

tormenting face

mind moving fast

the thoughts won’t get out of my head

even in deep sleep the face appears

laughing at me

validating that i am next to nothing in comparison

horrific things that i hope will never become a reality to me

in my dreams you take everything from me

do i even exist?

plenty had something to say

no mention of my name

it’s weird that they cannot even say it

a plane of existence where i’ll never be

harsh words thrown at me for my feelings

it will be something that forever bothers me

guilt i feel because of this ridiculous emotion

why would it make me so sad

no words came from me in fear of what the reprocussions would be

someone is permitted to mark their place over me rendering me defenseless

petty maybe but how much more of the unknown can i take

i no more believe in leaps of faith

plaid douche brewery

you’re descheveled and old

there is a vision to revitalize you

make you worth something again

million dollar homes are popping up here and there

scattered around empty little plots of land filled with trash

the plaid wearing mustache brigade will be moving in on you shortly

soon there will be coffe shops that sell vegan friendly treats

barley juice stands

shops in which to buy douche bag accessories

yes indeed the paid shirt mafia will be coming to get all of you shortly

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